Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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