Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
