brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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