a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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