found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
