My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Randomize
