awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
