Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
