If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
