Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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