Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
