Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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