Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
He passed out mid-signature
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
