Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
