I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize