My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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