Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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