Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Randomize
