i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
the day after is always just damage control
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
