so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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