Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
