i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
