Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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