I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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