HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
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