I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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