don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize