I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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