We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
