he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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