I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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