Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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