I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
