Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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