that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
