apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
