He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
