that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
