On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
And then my night got REAL pukey
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
