I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize