I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
