I should be sponsored by Trojan
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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