Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
