Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
