Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
and she was petting her beer can
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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