I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
