I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
You did what with his pubic hair?
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