margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
