dude i'm inner monologue high
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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