oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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