Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
