I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
