I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
