You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
