Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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