Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
