See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
