We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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