WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
