upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
