i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
