How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
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