Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Randomize
