i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
my nose is crying tears of wow.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
