He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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