I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
