she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
a search helicopter?!
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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