I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
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