You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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