That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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