I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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