Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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