his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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