WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
