I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
