dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm eating all of the evidence.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize