Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
