You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
