i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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