I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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