is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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