the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
