david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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