Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
