apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
