Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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