i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
