I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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