hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
my liver is dry heaving
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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