They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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