i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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