I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
