alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
