She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
