found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm determined to sit on that face.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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